


Watch The Stars With Me

by 2spooky



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-01-26 12:10:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1687844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2spooky/pseuds/2spooky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>50s KawoShin AU. Everyone is scared of the new kid Shinji Ikari. He hangs out with the wrong crowd, he's from the outskirts of town, and he's a mixed kid with Japanese descent. The Japanese kids have a bad rep at Spring Creek High, all but two. Two adopted students from a very rich family, Rei and Kaworu Merrick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Shinji was used to moving around. He followed his aunt around wherever she deemed was the new "best place to live".  Before he was 12 they had travelled throughout all of Northern California and eventually settled down in LA. He didn't mind moving, it's not like he made any lasting friendships in any one place. This time however, Misato had decided it was time to move into a new terrain.

 “They were fucking idiots at that last job Shinji” said his aunt gulping down her third beer, “I’m done with California for now aren’t you?” Shinji nodded, whatever made her happy. “We’re going to Nevada, Shinji pack up. I found an old friend who lives there and has gotten me a job.”

Misato wasn’t his biological aunt by any means but she was the only family he had. He was the outcome of a stationed soldier who had a love affair abroad. The love affair was cut short when pregnancy threatened his mother’s life and she chose Shinji instead. He was told that his mother’s dying wish was that Shinji live his life in the US, which his father sought to by leaving him in the nearest Japanese camp. Misato was already there when she took it upon herself to raise Shinji. She didn’t talk much about her time in the camp or her father. She just said her father visited the camp twice, first to leave him and then to take them both out. He didn’t know what he looked like and he wasn’t sure he wanted to, but he received a package every year or so with clothes his father sent signed T.Craig.

 

They took the bus out of California to Spring Creek on a hot summer’s night in August. School wouldn’t start for another 10 days. They moved into an apartment complex on the outskirts of town, where Misato would be closer to the diner where she now worked. Shinji didn’t mind the distance or the quiet, for the first time in a long time he could see the sky clearly at night.

For the next 10 days Shinji didn’t expect to do much. He had recently stolen a pack of smokes from Misato and he planned to practice as much as he could before she caught him. He walked out into the scorching summer heat holding on to his leather jacket, the only thing his father had sent him that he liked, and his pack of cigs. What he didn’t expect was a couple of girls to be there behind his apartment complex, smoking and chatting away. He frowned. They both wore tight fitting jeans and tucked in white shirts. One of the girls was tall with long brown hair pulled into a ponytail. She grinned as she spoke and her glasses reflected the sunlight when she nodded over to Shinji. Standing in front of her was a smaller girl with bright orange hair that was curled back into waves. She turned quickly and with the swiftest motion pulled her cigarette out of her mouth, stomped on it, and sneered. She walked closer to Shinji and out of instinct he stepped back. She was a foot away from him when she put her hand on her waist, which Shinji watched carefully, and said in a very loud voice, “What do you want?”

He was nervous. He wanted to be alone. “I want to smoke” he mumbled, glancing down. The girl laughed, “Yeah well don’t we all? I’m Asuka Langley Soryu. You're new here aren't you?... Are you mixed?” The tall girl was now next to her, leaning and letting her cigarette smoke blow into Shinji’s face. He coughed before saying “Yeah, I’m new and mixed...” He frowned, hating to admit his father's genes. “Can you teach me to smoke?” He blurted out, he felt the color rise to his cheeks. He saw the girls glance at each other before they walked back to their previous spot.

“It’s not hard you know” Said the tall one talking back at him “Just let it fill your lungs, the scent, and then breathe it out slowly” She seemed to enjoy it with every inhale “I’m Mari Illustrious, by the way” She held out her hand to shake his but the other girl swatted it. “Don’t let her fool you, she just thinks she’s fancy shit cause she’s French” Asuka said “Just don’t burn yourself” She lit one up “How old are you anyway? You don’t even know how to smoke?” She laughed again. “I’m 15. I’m entering high school, I’m Shinji” He said his name as a last thought. “Shinji Ikari” “Well shit then you’re a Japanese mix like me! I thought as much” Asuka said “We’re going into high school too" She looked down at him "There’s not many like us Shinji, maybe 4 or 5 tops here in Spring Creek” She extinguished another cigarette, blowing through them like nothing.

Shinji didn’t care about other Japanese kids but he tried to seem interested. He lit the end of his stolen cigarette and inhaled deeply. He felt like he was suffocating. The smoke was bitter and he let it out quickly, coughing. Mari laughed at him and Asuka elbowed her. Shinji tried again, slower this time. The smoke cooled inside him and he felt relaxed. He went to say thanks to the girls but they had already started walking away from him. “See you around Shinji Ikari” Asuka called out. Mari winked at him and they left. Shinji sulked and smoked for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Misato came home around 4am and the apartment smelled of smoke but she said nothing, she had bought the pack for Shinji in the first place. She took a peek at his sleeping form before collapsing in her room, sleeping a total of 4 hours until her next shift. For the rest of his free days Shinji tried to avoid seeing Asuka and Mari as much as he could. He didn’t go out much and smoked outside his window. They had a couple books that Misato had borrowed from the library and never returned so he spent the rest of his time reading. They were mostly historical books, famous authors and scholars. A few days before school started he heard the revving of car engines and shouting but he was too numb to stand up. He had spent the day sleeping and now was barely awake. The cars drove off and when he looked out the window he saw the glimpse of bright orange hair blowing in the wind.


	2. Chapter 2

Shinji woke up late on the first day of school. He hated walking in late. He hated that more attention was put on him. Not bothering with his bedhead he greased it back and quickly laced his Chuck Taylor’s as he ran out the door, leather jacket in tow.

After getting his schedule sorted out he walked into second period, sulking. He had missed his first period History which was secretly his favorite subject and was now halfway through English. He walked in, already in a bad mood.

“Are you Shinji... _Ikari_?” the teacher, a young looking woman with thin lips, struggled with his name, as they all did. “Yeah?” Shinji answered “It’s Ee-Kah-Ree You got it?” he scowled and made his way to the back of the room. Ikari was his mother’s maiden name; he hated hearing it pronounced wrong. The teacher didn’t say a word to him for the rest of the period.

As a matter of fact, the teachers didn’t bother him for the rest of the day and the students didn’t either. They avoided his gaze and he liked it that way. As luck would have it, his last class was P.E. He made eye contact with the teacher long enough for him to point him to the bleachers. “Ikari you can sit” It seemed his pronunciation lesson had travelled fast, he smirked as he made his way to the bleachers, thankful that he didn’t have to wear the stupid P.E uniform. Making his way across the field he saw another boy sitting on the bleachers. He was pale with hair so light it looked silver in the sunlight. Although it was scorching he was wearing a blazer with a black tie. _His shoes are ridiculously shiny_ Shinji thought, as they blinded him from afar. Reading, he glanced up a Shinji. His gaze looked warm. As Shinji got closer to the bleachers, the boy stood up. It made Shinji nervous. _What does he want?_ He wondered.

“Shinji!” A voice from behind the bleachers yelled, making jump. “Oi! Come over here” It was Asuka. She signaled for him to sneak behind the bleachers and he quickly walked past the other boy who looked at him for a moment before sitting back down and picking up his book. Behind the bleachers,  Asuka, Mari, and two other boys were there. They nodded and handed him a flask, Shinji took a swig. Whiskey.

“What the hell Shinji is P.E the only class we’ll have together?” Asuka grinned, her cheeks flushed from the alcohol. “Not like we’ll be in class anyways” She winked at Mari who flashed her schedule in front of Shinji’s face “They called your name in homeroom and History too but you weren’t there” Mari said “Toji and Kensuke are in it with us” He figured they must have been the other Japanese kids that Asuka mentioned before. He was confused as to who was who but he figured Kensuke must be the one with the “K” embroidered on his denim jacket. Kensuke had dusty blond hair, a tremendous amount of freckles, and big round glasses, which made his eyes seem extraordinarily big for the rest of his face. As Kensuke took the flask back from him and drank Shinji noticed that he was missing two teeth. Toji was sitting next to Mari, arms extended as he stroked her hair. He looked mean Shinji noted, not as mean as Asuka, but mean enough. Asuka had sat down next to Shinji. Lighting up her cigarette, she offered him her light. He pulled his pack from his jacket and lit one up. He had gotten better at it since the last time he saw her. They talked about the teachers mostly and stories they had heard about them. Shinji didn’t give a damn whether the homeroom teacher had sex with the janitor and he looked over to the boy from before. Someone else had joined him, a girl that Shinji couldn’t see very well. “Hey” Shinji whispered to Asuka, as Kensuke began to tell this extravagant story of life from other planets to the now drunk crowd. “Who’s that guy over there?”  

“Who _Karl_?” Asuka sneered “He’s rich trash”

Mari who had now scooted over whispered back “His name is Kaworu and chick next to him is his sister, Rei. They were adopted by the Merrick’s who practically own the town” Mari inhaled in her cig before breathing out “And yeah, they’re rich trash” Mari and Asuka continued to tell Shinji about the Merrick's while Kensuke told a drunk Toji about aliens. As Shinji learned, Kaworu and Rei were both fully Japanese. They had both been adopted and kept as pristine as pedigreed dogs, homeschooled until recently because of their weak immune systems. Shinji found himself sneaking peeks back at him, through the bleachers he could see his shining hair. There was something about the way that he had looked at him that made Shinji feel uneasy.

After school Shinji, Mari, and Asuka walked home together. They invited him out to the diner but Shinji didn’t want to see Misato at work so he declined. He went up to his room and smoked for a while before getting antsy and decided to go out. It had gotten dark already. He walked to the park just 10 minutes from the complex in the direction of town. His mind was clouded. Thoughts of Asuka, Mari, and _Kaworu_? Shinji shook his head. He sat on the bench and took out his lighter. His hands were shaking as he lit up his cigarette. His eyes began watering. He had a bad habit of remembering past shit. _Stop_ , he thought to himself, _Stop doing this._ Before he realized it he had blown through the rest of his pack. He looked up at the sky as he blew out smoke, _the stars are bright tonight_ , he thought. Closing his eyes slowly he started to remember Kensuke’s story about _the aliens that definitely came to him in his sleep_ **.** He called them, as Shinji remembered, _angels_.

When he awoke again, it was past midnight and his muscles were stiff. Feeling around he discovered that somebody had stolen his lighter. Swearing, he walked back home. Misato had just gotten back. He hadn’t properly seen her since she started working. “Hey” he said. “You’re out late” She said and raised her eyebrows at him. He was too groggy to say anything back. Misato got closer to him, she placed her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder “Welcome home Shinji” She murmured. She reeked of alcohol. She smiled at him and walked back to the kitchen. Shinji knew she was trying, he felt bad for coming back late. He stumbled into his room and fell face first onto his bed.


	3. Chapter 3

For the next couple of weeks Shinji followed a routine. He’d wake up early in time to make it to homeroom and skip the rest of the day to kick cans and smoke in the park with Asuka’s gang. Misato seemed to have caught on to Shinji’s behavior but said nothing. Shinji almost wished she would.

 

It was a Friday when the routine changed. After the park the five of them stopped by Asuka’s place on the first floor of his apartment complex. Strangely enough, Shinji thought, she lived alone. It was a small apartment, smaller than Shinji’s on the third floor, but he liked her décor. Scavenged furniture and drawings on the walls really captured Asuka’s eccentric "charm".

Shinji sat down on her couch, not really asking why they were there in the first place and lit up a smoke. Before he had time to ask Mari looked at him and smiled “Let's get this party started” She was searching through Asuka’s impressive and expansive record collection. She decided finally on [Rocket 88](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbfnh1oVTk0) and Asuka grabbed Toji and started dancing. Kensuke stood up immediately and started gyrating with all of them cheering him on. As it turns out she had meant it when she said it was a party, more and more people showed up and suddenly Asuka’s small apartment was packed with kids that Shinji had never seen before. It made him feel uneasy. Trying to avoid making any noise he slipped out of the apartment and made his way to the back of the complex. He could hear the music still and the roaring of voices. He almost felt bad for leaving. Almost. As he lit up his cigarette he heard footsteps coming closer. It was Asuka. “Leaving your own party already, Stupid Shinji?” She smirked, she’d taken a liking to calling him stupid. Shinji looked away, he didn’t know what she wanted. Was this party really for him? It seemed like an excuse, he didn’t really think they liked him at all. As he exhaled his smoke Asuka sat next to him, she actually smelled kinda  _nice?_.

 

They sat in silence for a while. Asuka took out her lighter and started flicking it. “Why’d you come here anyway? There’s nothing here, for anyone.” She lit her cigarette. “My aunt gets fired a lot” Shinji exhaled. He turned to look at Asuka and she was just inches away from his face. He moved back, frightened. “What? Are you afraid of kissing?” His cheeks turned a bright red “No, I’m not scared” He protested. Asuka pulled him closer and placed her lips on his. She was warm and up close Shinji could smell her perfume. She smelled like roses, it reminded him of a cemetery. She forced her tongue into his mouth and he pulled away, pushing her back in the process. He was shaking and she looked almost hurt. “You’re a fucking coward Shinji!” She laughed at him “Have you considered that maybe you move around a lot because people get tired of seeing your fucking fa-“ Before he knew what he was doing Shinji had his hands firm around her throat. _What am I doing?_  He was shaking Why _can’t I stop?_   He tightened his grip and Asuka did nothing to stop him. She looked like a sad broken doll. As Shinji was digging his fingers deeper on her neck Mari came running, laughing with Toji in tow. “Hey guys you’re missing the p--!” They both froze. Mari’s face twisted “What thE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??” She yelled. Shinji let go rapidly and stood up he realized that all this time he had been crying. “I..” Asuka was coughing violently, gasping for air. Mari ran to her side not knowing what to do. Toji was enraged and lunged toward Shinji, punching him square in the jaw, knocking him back down to the ground. “Get the fuck out of here!!” He roared. Shinji crawled away, trying to get up and ran. Ran past the party and straight up three flightsof stairs and stormed into his apartment. Misato was there, she jumped as Shinji came in half bloody with snot running down his face, his eyes still red and watery. She didn’t ask questions but got a slab of meat out from the fridge and put it straight on his wound. His tears started flowing freely as Misato caressed his face. She said sternly “Shinji, please go back to school.”

 

He made sure to avoid going out that weekend. It was lonely but Shinji was used to that. More than anything he was afraid, afraid of what he had done and what could have happened if Mari and the others hadn't shown up. He's not sure he wanted to know.That Monday, everyone avoided him at school. His absence and his scraped up face kept everyone away from him, teachers included. None of the things the teachers were talking about seemed to reach him. He felt numb. He spent lunch outside and considered skipping the rest of the day, but came back after smoking the last remaining cigs in his pack and sat through the rest of the day with a sour look on his face. P.E finally came and Shinji was glad he hadn't the gang all day. Frankly he doubted he’d see them in school, which was one of the reasons he came.

 

Walking through the wildflower filled field to the bleachers he saw that strange boy again, Kaworu. Shinji had completely forgotten about him. He was sitting in the front row, perfectly still, reading. Shinji tried not to look at him as he and walked straight to the back of the bleachers. It was a hot day again in Spring Creek and he sat on the very top bench, burying his face in his hands. He felt like he was melting, his leather jacket insulating heat. The sound of cicadas was deafening, which is why he didn't hear the quiet footsteps of a tall slim boy making his way up the bleachers. “Do you mind if I sit here?” A voice said. Shinji jumped and looked up to see Kaworu standing over him. Up close his hair was indeed silver, he looked directly into Shinji’s eyes but his gaze was soft. Shinji found himself nodding and the boy sat next to him and extended his hand. “My name is Kaworu Merrick, it’s nice to meet you, Shinji Ikari.” Not questioning how he knew his name, Shinji looked down at his hand and slowly reached to shake it. His fingers were long and his hands were cold. Kaworu smiled and continued looking at him. Shinji didn’t know what to say. “You have been gone for quite a while Shinji Ikari, I thought maybe I had scared you away?” Shinji shook his head, a little embarrassed “No! No, I…” He didn’t know how to explain himself. What would he say? He was skipping to smoke and drink and harass pedestrians? “You can just call me Shinji” He finally said, avoiding the question. “Okay, Shinji” He smiled a little, he seemed happy Shinji noted. Not having anything else to talk about they sat in silence for a while, hearing the yelling of the P.E teacher in the distance. Shinji liked sitting together like this he thought. Kaworu opened his book and started reading again. _Across the River and Into the Trees by Ernest Hemmingway_. Kaworu looked up at Shinji who was looking at the cover of his book. “Do you like to read Shinji?” He asked “I’ll let you borrow it, if you want?” Shinji shook his head “You don’t have to! I would probably take too long to return it anyways..” Kaworu chuckled “Please, take it. I’ve read it many times. I’d like for you to read it” He gave Shinji the book before he could refuse, his hands lingering on Shinji’s for a few seconds. He smiled again before adding “Thank you for your company Shinji, but P.E is over. I hope I will get to see you again.” He stood up and bowed his head slightly before joining the rest of the class back to the main building. Shinji sat there for a while with the book in hand, thinking about the atmosphere Kaworu left behind and the way his hands felt on his. He wished he hadn’t finished his pack earlier, because he really needed a smoke right about now.


	4. Chapter 4

It was early the next morning when Shinji woke up in a sweat, his hair matted on his face and his breathing heavy. He felt hot and sticky and instantly, he knew why. “ _Shinji..Shinji..Shinji!!_ ” He could hear Kaworu’s voice echoing in his head and his face felt hot again. Shaking his head he got up. He noticed that it was still early enough that Misato was asleep and he shuffled to the bathroom quietly. Locking the door behind him he stripped down completely and turned on the shower. The water was icy but he didn’t mind it. This way he could think about his dream freely.

It had started out the way his dreams usually do… his mother was there. They were in a large field filled with wildflowers. A faceless woman talking to him in muffled words. Then Shinji would look up again and he would see his father there, a young man in glasses as he had seen in pictures. He would say fatherly things to him, things Shinji thought he wanted him to say.“ _Good Job Shinji_ ” or “ _You’re growing up just fine_ ” and his personal favorite “ _I’m proud of you, son_ ” Around this time he would wake up with his usual sense of abandonment, but not this time. The field around him was familiar and he realized he was on the school grounds, the bleachers off in the distance. He got closer and heard a voice coming from behind the bleachers. He found Asuka there in a yellow floral sundress, radically different from what he was used to. She smiled and extended her arms, waiting for a hug. Shinji, hesitant, hugged her. She felt was soft and warm. Looking back at her he realized it wasn’t Asuka anymore but was Kaworu instead. His nose just inches away from his. “I think..” he whispered “.. that I might have been born to meet you, Shinji” Shinji’s heart was pounding in his eardrums and he kissed him, their tongues easily finding each other. Shinji felt like he couldn’t breathe with Kaworu pressing against him. He broke the kiss only to unbuckle Kaworu’s belt, pulling down his zipper and shoving his hand down his briefs. Shinji had never done this before but he knew what he liked and tried to reciprocate. He grabbed Kaworu’s dick harshly and Kaworu gasped loudly and closed his eyes. Shinji began stroking it, putting pressure on the base and working his way up. Kaworu made noises that Shinji couldn’t believe which gave him the courage to keep going. He went faster, circling the tip with his fingers. Shinji liked the way Kaworu called out his name, how he looked when he said it, totally disheveled unlike his usual pristine demeanor. Shinji kneeled down, ready to put Kaworu inside his mouth when— **BANG BANG BANG**

“SHINJI!!!! SHINJI!” Misato pounded on the door “Shinji I have to leave for work and all my makeup is in the bathroom please open up!!” _Fuck_. He looked down, _When the hell did I start jacking off?_ He thought, his dick hard in his hand. Almost slipping, he got out of the shower quickly. He left the water running and rustled around looking for Misato’s bag. Once he found it he opened the door slightly. “Here” Shoving the makeup bag at Misato. He slammed the door quickly, locked it, and got back in the shower to finish off what he had started. After turning off the water he stood there for a while. _What is wrong with me?_ He got out of the shower again and dried off. The mirror foggy from all the steam and as he looked as his reflection he thought _I’m so fucked up_. 

School was dull that Tuesday, duller than usual. He managed to pass his History exam with a C thanks to Misato’s careless library behavior. His other tests weren’t as lucky. The teachers avoided talking to him directly but wrote passive aggressive notes on his tests “Seek Study Help” “Needs Improvement” “Come to Class” He angrily tossed them in the trash.

P.E finally came and Shinji felt his ears burn up. He was going to have to face him. He hadn’t even opened the book Kaworu had given him the previous day. Walking to the bleachers he saw a pale figure, but it wasn’t him. Instead it was a girl with dusty blonde hair and the same gentle gaze. He sat down a couple feet away from her, sneaking glances. She was wearing the P.E uniform but had a book in hand, the book was in Japanese. She caught him looking at her and Shinji looked away quickly getting a small chuckle from the girl. “Hello Shinji Ikari, I am Rei Merrick” Her voice was very soft much softer than Kaworu's and Shinji wondered how both of them knew his name. He gave her a nod. “My brother is not here today, he is not feeling well” Shinji was surprised how she knew he was wondering about that too. “I usually participate in the Physical Education but since Kaworu is not here I thought it would not be appropriate to leave the bleachers empty” She said with a complicated look. “Why are you wearing the uniform then?” Shinji asked. “Oh.." She looked down and then gave Shinji a smile "I rather like it” Shinji laughed, Rei was very rigid but she had an odd charm. He liked her.

“What are you reading?” he asked her. “吾輩は猫である” She replied. When she saw how confused Shinji looked she repeated “I am a cat" She showed Shinji the book. "it is a novel written about society during the Meiji Period in Japan” His brows furrowed “I don’t know a single thing about Japan” He said “As a matter of fact, I don’t know much about anything… I’ll probably get suspended soon for my grades” Rei frowned. “Do you want to be suspended?” She asked. The question surprised him _No, of course not._ He thought. He shook his head. Her eyes gleamed. “Shinji Ikari let me help you study, I have all the texts the teachers use” She stood up. The rest of the class eyeing them suspiciously as they walked back to the main building. “Please allow me to change and meet me in front of the school” Rei ran after the class and Shinji was left to sit there with a stupid look to his face without having time to protest. _I’m going to her house???_  

Most of the students had left by the time Shinji made his way to the front of the school. Leaning against the brick building he lit a cigarette and waited. Almost immediately Rei came out of the building her short hair bouncing as she walked towards Shinji. “There is my car, please follow me” A shiny, dark green W187 Mercedes-Benz was parked on the curb with a man dressed in all black waiting by it. The man gave Shinji a discerning look, he wished he had something better to wear than his ripped jeans and his sleeveless white shirt. The man held the door open for both of them regardless. The car had a gorgeous beige leather interior. “Sir, please use the ashtray” the man said firmly, not sounding much older than 30. “Yeah…uh, sorry” Shinji had never even seen a car with an ashtray before. He felt out of place but looking at how excited Rei seemed to calm his nerves.

They arrived at the Merrick’s place and Shinji let out an audible “ _wow_ ”  It was as big as Shinji’s entire apartment complex with a large garden in the front. All white with two columns by the entrance. Shinji left his cigarette in the ashtray and was almost afraid to walk inside.  The house was filled with music and opened up to a large open area with high ceilings and a grand piano. There Kaworu sat with his long fingers running through the keys, music filling the space. Shinji stood there stunned. He didn’t realize that Rei had gone to collect her books. The way Kaworu moved so freely with a carefree look on his face was as beautiful to Shinji as the music he was [playing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vDxlnJVvW8&nohtml5=False). Kaworu struck his final chord and opened his eyes. Suddenly realizing that Shinji was there he blushed. He stood up immediately and with a small flush to his cheeks he smiled and said “Welcome to my home, Shinji!”


	5. Chapter 5

Shinji was stunned. He didn’t know what to say and mumbled something along the line of “thanks”. He tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible, but it was hard not to look at Kaworu. He wasn't wearing his usual sweater/blazer/trouser combo. Now wearing only a button up and slacks he seemed almost naked. Shinji could feel his face getting hot as Kaworu’s gaze pierced him. Luckily before he could say anything, Rei walked in with three massive textbooks. “Please follow me into the study Shinji Ikari” she said and then turned to Kaworu “brother I am going to be tutoring Shinji, please do not bother us.” She turned around and started walking in the direction of a large hallway. Kaworu smiled and said “Of course. Shinji, my apologies please make yourself at home and good luck on your studies.” He then excused himself and left in the opposite direction. _No, wait come back_ Shinji wanted to say but Rei was already getting out of sight. He ran after her and into a large room with tall bookcases and large glass windows. “ _This room is just for studying?_ ” Shinji accidently said out loud and Rei chuckled. She put a textbook in front of him that looked way to complicated for a high schooler and sternly said, “Lets get started”

 

For the rest of the week, Shinji was over at the Merrick’s every day after school. Rei had apparently been very serious about tutoring him. Although his grades remained the same he _had_ been paying more attention in class, which definitely showed in his private tutoring lessons. Rei’s soft expressionless face seemed to glow when he would get something right. To Shinji’s disappointment, he hardly got to see Kaworu, if at all. He would only catch glances of him on the bleachers during PE, his pale skin and light hair reflecting the sun. But since Rei insisted that he _“participate in the Physical Education”_ he could only view him from afar. Despite her small frame and gentle demeanor, Rei was a fast runner.

 

Friday finally came and Shinji was exhausted. Despite this, Rei seemed to go even harder on the studying, "It will be two days without our sessions and I don't wish for you to forget everything you've learned" Shinji groaned. It was nearly 8pm when Rei checked the clock behind them and gasped. "Shinji I'm so sorry I didn't realize how late it was! I will be late for dinner and I'm sure you will too,I'm terribly sorry. Please feel free to use one of our drivers to take you home" Rei seemed to be in a hurry and he didn't want to tell her that Misato didn't come home until 4am and dinner would consist of a can of whatever beans were in the cupboard. He was taken home by then same driver that brought them from school, Kaji. It was dark out and he knew that it would be a long drive from the Merrick's to his apartment complex, so he slept. 

 

In his dreams he would be sitting next to Kaworu on the piano in the Merrick's parlor. Kaworu was [playing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkPLDoZXlHQ) something that he had once heard Misato hum. The sun was shining through the open french windows and the incoming breeze was warm. When he looked down at the piano he realized that he was playing too. Somehow his hands were moving along with Kaworu's. "We're amazing together, aren't we?" he said to him, radiant in the peeking sunlight.

 

"Hey, Mr. Ikari?" A gruff voice startled him. He groggily opened his eyes and realized he had had his face pressed on the leather seat, leaving streaks on his cheek. He looked outside and realized that it was raining. "Will you be needing an umbrella, Mr. Ikari?" Kaji asked. "No it's okay I'm just walking upstairs...  thanks.." He stepped out of the car and gave Kaji a nod, the rain was pouring harder than he expected and he hurried towards the complex. When he reached the bottom of the stairs Kaji had driven away and Shinji stopped dead in his tracks. Waiting for him at the top of the steps was Asuka, Toji, and Mari. Shinji's stomach turned as he noticed that Toji was holding a wooden bat. 

 

"So what, you can't walk home now fancy pants?" Mari sneered. Asuka stood up with her back to the railing "No, I guess he can't now that he thinks he's hot shit hanging around with those stupid rich dogs" she said. "We never got to give you your present from your little welcome party Shinji" Toji said, pointing the wooden bat at Shinji who was now breaking out in a cold sweat. _I can't run_ he thought  _there's no one here to save me._ The three of them made their way down the stairs excruciatingly slow. Asuka made her way down first, an unopened switchblade in her hand. Mari was next and she wasted no time. She lunged herself at Shinji, throwing the first punch. He had no way to defend himself, he didn't know how to fight and he was too paralyzed to move. Mari's punches knocked him down to the ground. Shinji curled up into a ball, panting and groaning. Toji then took his bat and Shinji braced himself for the worst. He felt a sharp hot pang on his back, his voice not coming out anymore. Once. Twice. Another time. Every strike a different sharp pain. He couldn't move. He could feel Mari kicking him and yelling "Asuka join in!" Asuka just stood there, watching the two of them silently. Shinji was barely holding on. "Wait!" Toji shouted and he pointed at the parking lot, where a car was approaching. "Shit we gotta get out of here!" Toji ordered. Mari spat on him and the three of them ran leaving Shinji on the bottom of the steps of the complex. His eyes barely open, he could only see the bright headlights of a car and a silhouette getting closer and closer. _Please don't be Misato_ , he thought. "S-Shinji!" he heard. A cold hand touched his face and he winced. "Shinji, please, stay with me. Please Shinji." The voice sounded desperate. Shinji could feel himself being lifted, he felt like he was floating. Like his body wasn't his own. The last thing he saw before he completely passed out were the rain droplets falling on his face.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Shinji’s face felt hot when he opened his eyes. _This ceiling is familiar_... It was his room. He tried to sit up but his arms couldn’t support him. He felt weak. He looked over at the clock on his wall, 2:15 am. _How did I get here?_ Shinji looked around. It was still too early for Misato to be home. The last thing he could remember was Toji beating him, his mind was kind of fuzzy. There was rustling in the next room that made him uneasy. If it wasn’t Misato, who could it be? Was the gang back for round 2? He was going to throw up and judging by the smell coming from a bucket of mysterious liquid, it seemed like he already had.

 

He was more than surprised when it was Kaworu who walked into his room with a washcloth and a clean bucket. Kaworu looked just as startled. “Oh! I’m sorry Shinji, I meant to take out that bucket before you woke up” He scrambled to get the bucket out and apologized again before disappearing leaving Shinji more confused than he was when he awoke. After a few minutes Kaworu came back, a little flushed. “Do you need anything else, Shinji?” he asked as he placed the warm washcloth on his forehead. Before Shinji could say anything, he realized there were tears falling down his face. Kaworu looked petrified. “A-are you okay?! What’s wrong?” Shinji tried his best to wipe his tears but they kept flowing and now he was hiccupping. _I’m pathetic._ “I’m just… not used to this,” he confessed. His colds would often go unnoticed since Misato had always worked long hours. Whenever he had gotten beaten up in the past Misato would hand him a cold chicken cutlet, since they couldn’t afford steak, and tell him to toughen up. Kaworu’s kindness was new to him.

 

Speaking through his tears, Shinji asked “How did you get here?” Kaworu, who seemed tense, sat down at the foot of his bed. “I saw that Rei had basically thrown you out of the house and you left some of your books in our study… I didn’t want you to miss them and had a driver take me here” He paused and looked at Shinji with sad eyes “When I got here you were on the floor, covered in blood and bruises… I didn’t know what to think. Nobody was around, I didn’t even know where your apartment was! So I had my driver carry you up the stairs while I knocked on some doors and asked around for your address. When I finally got it I told my driver to go back to alert my family I wasn’t going to be returning for the night and came in here to tend to your injuries.” Kaworu was frustrated with himself “I should have gotten here earlier…” He trailed off, his pale cheeks turning pink. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep any boundaries… but I was so worried, Shinji” Kaworu had inched closer “Who did this to you?” There was a fire in his eyes Shinji had never seen before. It scared him. “I… don’t know Kaworu, I don’t remember” Kaworu saw how anxious he was and immediately dropped the subject.

 

Kaworu seemed to not want to leave him alone, so until Misato came home they just talked. Shinji learned more about Kaworu. He had taken piano lessons since he was 4 years old. The grand piano in the entrance of his home was a present from his parents. Kaworu told Shinji stories about a young Rei skipping her music lessons and taking Kaworu to read in the garden. Shinji temporarily forgot about his pain and seeing Shinji smile was all that Kaworu needed. Misato came home around her usual 4am. Quickly, Kaworu introduced himself to a very confused Misato. He tried to excuse himself but of course Misato insisted that he stay. “Youre not gonna make some poor driver come all the way out here to get you” She said. Misato had a spare futon that she made for him next to Shinji’s bed. As they got ready for bed Misato whispered “Thank you” when she knew Shinji wasn’t looking. “Please watch over him” and with that she turned off the light and wished them both good night. Shinji fell asleep relatively quickly. Kaworu looked over at him, _I will watch over you._ He said to himself and then too, fell asleep.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

For the rest of the week, Shinji stayed in bed. He didn’t ache anymore, but his bruises were bad enough that he could get away with it. Everyday Kaworu would come right after school to keep him company. When they would run out of things to talk about Kaworu would just read out loud to him. Shinji liked listening to his voice, there was something about it that calmed him. Sitting on a chair at the foot of his bed, Kaworu's silver hair was pulled back and his reading glasses would sometimes slip to the tip of his nose. Shinji watched attentively as he pushed them back on the bridge of his nose with his long fingers. The book itself, _Leaves of Grass,_ completely lost to him.

 

Kaworu would promptly leave at 6:30pm and always wish Shinji a good night. It wasn’t until Friday that Shinji realized that 6:30 came and went and Kaworu was still reading to him. He cleared his throat. “um.. Kaworu… don’t you have to go home?” Kaworu’s cheeks flushed. “Oh! I’m sorry Shinji, I didn’t know you needed me to leave…” Kaworu closed his book as Shinji stuttered defensively. “N-no! that’s not it! It's just… you always leave …at 6:30, I don’t want you to get in trouble o-or anything” Shinji could feel his own cheeks getting hot. Kaworu smiled. “Thank you for your concern Shinji, but I won’t be needed for dinner tonight. My parents will be attending a charity ball held by the Mayor.” Shinji thought about what kind of dinners Kaworu and Rei must be used to and quickly climbed out of bed. “Then... We’ll need to make dinner here.”

 

Shinji had grown accustomed to making himself plain white rice with a fried egg on top everyday, but with Kaworu there he had no idea what to do. The kitchen didn’t have much and he was sure Kaworu never had to prepare any of his meals before. He was terrified. “Shinji, are you alright?” Kaworu looked at him with concern “Please don’t exert yourself for me, do you need assistance with anything?” Shinji couldn’t hide his nervous nature from him but practically pushed Kaworu out of the kitchen and said, “No, you’re my guest! It’s okay! Please just sit” Kaworu nodded and sat down on the other side of the kitchen bar.

 

Kaworu watched Shinji in the kitchen with care. Now that he was up his bruises were in plain sight, Shinji's arms and legs with covered with big purple spots. The steam from the kitchen made Shinji’s thin cotton tank cling to his thin frame. So much was exposed that Kaworu felt the need to look away, his heart beating loudly in his ears. Finally, Shinji placed a bowl of rice in front of him with a shy smile. “Here you go Kaworu” Kaworu felt his body get hot. Something about the domesticity of the moment or the way Shinji's skin was lightly beaded with sweat made Kaworu's hair stand on end. He had got up slowly and grabbed Shinji's wrist, staring into his eyes he could tell Shinji was confused. He was confused too. Without another word he placed his hand on Shinji's head and ran his fingers through his hair."Kaworu??" Shinji looked up curiously.  _“What is that you express in your eyes? It seems to me more than all the print I have read in my life.”_ Kaworu whispered. Before Shinji realized that he was quoting the book from earlier Kaworu's lips were on his.


	8. Chapter 8

If there was anything Shinji could think about was how soft Kaworu’s lips were. And how aware he was that his own were chapped. His heart, pounding away in his ears. His hands, shaking as they ran through Kaworu's silky hair. The kiss was short, but after they broke away Shinji felt out of breath. Kaworu’s hair was disheveled and his expression unreadable. “I’m sorry” Kaworu whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Shinji didn’t want it to stop. “No…!” he said “Please--- don’t... be” They stood there staring at each other, too shy to do anything else. Feeling like it was his time to leave, Kaworu went to pick up his things. “W-wait!” Shinji stammered. “At least… watch the stars with me.” He was blushing, _watch the stars? what am I saying?_ Kaworu, a little taken aback, flashed that smile that made Shinji's stomach bounce, and nodded.

 

They walked outside. It was the first time Shinji has been out all week. They sat near a patch of grass behind the apartment complex. Looking up at the sky, Shinji felt the smallest he had ever felt. The moon was full and every star in the sky was visible. He glanced over at Kaworu, who seemed to be looking only at him. It made him feel dizzy. Kaworu tentatively reached over to caress his face. “You're so delicate… like glass” Shinji felt the same way about Kaworu whose pale skin shone in the moonlight. His cold hands felt like marble on his skin. “Why..” Shinji said in a small voice. “Why did you? … Why would you??” His self-consciousness was making his face feel hot. He couldn’t understand why someone like Kaworu would like him, let alone kiss him. Kaworu looked confused. “Don’t question your worth. I’m glad I met you.”

 

The sound of an engine startled the both of them. Kaworu looked down at his watch. “My driver said he would be here at 8:30… I’m sorry Shinji, but I must go” They stood up quickly and made their way to the front of the complex. Kaji was there, waving. After gathering his things, Kaworu left shinji with a firm handshake. “I’ll see you at school on Monday.” His hands lingering for a couple seconds before letting go and disappearing into the night. Shinji, not sure any of it had actually happened, went back up to his apartment. He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. Kaworu’s words echoing in his head. He touched his lips, thinking of Kaworu’s on his. His hands pressing on his back. Blood rushing through every part of his body. He figured this was going to be an extremely long weekend.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the tiny chapters

Kaworu sank into the leather interior of his car. His cool demeanor breaking down now that he was seemingly alone. His lips quivered, the bitter sour taste of Shinji’s cigarettes still there. The corners turned up into a smile. _Shinji._ Kaworu had never been so forward but his heart raced at the thought of him. How gently he let him touch him. The car ride seemed to last mere minutes. Finally at home, he made a straight dash to his room, skipping dinner altogether. He didn’t want to see Rei. Somehow, he thought, she would know.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Shinji took it upon himself to finally read the book Kaworu had given him. He opened the window in his room to let the fall breeze in and started As he read, he could hear Kaworu’s soft and steady voice. Every now and then a leaf would fly in, falling onto the page of his book. He decided to keep them as bookmarks, pressing them into the pages when new leaves would fly in. Turning a page, he saw that one quote had been underlined with a red pen and in small handwriting underneath, had the word "shinji". Reading it, he turned a bright red.

_“He smiled as only the truly shy can smile. It was not the easy grin of the confident, nor the quick slashing smile of the extremely durable and the wicked. It had no relation with the poised, intently used smile of the courtesan or the politician. It was the strange, rare smile which rises from the deep, dark pit, deeper than a well, deep as a mine, that is within them.”_

 

* * *

 

Rei was getting worried that her brother was falling ill again. He didn’t seem to be eating and hadn’t been downstairs once since he got home on Friday night. It wasn’t until Sunday that she couldn’t wait any longer and frantically knocked on his door, anxious to see if he was all right. “Yes! Sorry, just a second..” His voice on the other side sounded rushed. “Brother, its me. I’m sorry I know you don’t like to be disturbed.. but I’m worried about you.” The door swung open to a very out of breath Kaworu. His face was flushed and he was still in pajamas. “You seem feverish, are you taking your medicine?” Rei asked. Kaworu turned a bright pink, completely lost for words.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Monday finally came and Shinji couldn’t be happier about going to school. He got up early, jitters running throughout his body. Not being able to lie still, he went straight to his closet. He didn’t usually care about what he wore but his body felt got hot just by thinking of seeing Kaworu. He cuffed his fraying jeans and shined his beaten leather boots. He combed back all his hairs to make sure that not one was out of place and looked at himself in the mirror. He wondered what Kaworu would think when he saw him. The sinking feeling hit him that he wouldn’t think anything at all.

At school, he couldn’t really concentrate on much and once second period came his happiness turned into nerves. How could he be happy if he didn’t even know what this feeling meant? He couldn’t concentrate on what any of his teachers were saying and he avoided eye contact with them.

 

He felt nauseous. His palms were sweating and his fingers were shaking. He considered going to the nurse’s clinic but PE had finally come. He didn’t bother changing and walked straight to the fields. His heart was racing when he saw that shining head of hair on the bleachers. All of his nerves suddenly at ease when Kaworu looked at him. He wondered how he could feel so calm when he felt so nervous. He sat next to him, hoping to get some clarity about what had happened. Kaworu however, seemed to be more interested in talking about Walt Whitman then the kiss. Shinji’s heart felt like it was tightening and thought that maybe just sitting and talking with Kaworu was good enough.

 

The hour came and went and when the coach waved them over Kaworu suddenly reached over to Shinji and grabbed his hand. His long fingers intertwined with his own. Shinji could feel his hand getting warmer, afraid that his palms would start to sweat. Everyone’s back was turned to them and Kaworu leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Tonight…will you watch the stars with me?” His breath grazed Shinji’s neck. “Yeah” he managed to get out.

 

He lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling. Kaworu invited him over, but had specified to meet him on the east side of the house. His watch read 10pm, it was time. It took him 40 minutes to walk to Kaworu’s estate and 10 minutes to actually make it to the mansion. He was on the east side of the mansion wondering how Kaworu was going to sneak out of his highly protected home when he heard something. _“Shinji! Pssst!! Shinji!”_ The whispering coming from above him. He looked up to see Kaworu looking over a balcony holding a big mound of cloth. He wrapped one end on the balcony rail and threw the rest over, the cloth just barely touching the ground. Now he understood why Kaworu asked him to be careful. He climbed the cloth pretty easily, now thankful for all the fights he’d gotten in. When he finally climbed over the rail Kaworu asked him “Are you sure Misato won’t worry about you?” Shinji smiled at him “Nobody ever worries about me.” He said as he lit up a cigarette.

 

For the rest of the week, school seemed like the only reasonable place to smoke and sleep. He knew his grades were going down again but at this point he didn’t care. PE was a haven for him, the weather was finally hot enough for the coach to allow them to sit in the shade. They would sit on the grass and talk undisturbed and watch the stars together at night.

“Shinji” Kaworu said, on Friday, “My parents are going out of town for the weekend… tonight, if you want…you can ... spend the night?” His cheeks were flushed and his eyes lowered. Shinji’s heart pounded in his chest. He nodded and they continued to talk about Whitman until the period was over.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these poor kids need google

Shinji had promised to meet Kaworu at their usual time that night. Pacing back in forth in his room, trying to calm himself down, he thought of what to bring. Clothes? Was he going to be changing? In _front_ of Kaworu? Would he be using his bathtub? His cheeks reddening at the thought of being _naked_ in Kaworu’s house. Deciding that bringing anything would be too forward he panicked and left the house with just his jacket in tow. To Kaworu’s request, he also left Misato a note.  
The night seamed particularly clear, the air was warm and his walk was quiet. The moon was not quite full but bright enough to light his path. Lost in thought, he seemed to get to Kaworu’s estate in no time. He was nervous to walk up to the front door, but Kaworu had reassured him that Rei was aware and even glad that he was spending the night. He felt that the pounding of his heart was much louder than the sound made by the golden knocker’s on the mansion’s big white doors. Rei opened the door. She was wearing a pale pink silk nightgown that looked reflective in the dark and her dusty blonde hair was up in curlers. The pounding sensation he was feeling settled down and Shinji wondered to himself why Rei and Kaworu had such a calming effect on him. “Please come in” she smiled sleepily at him. He could tell she had been trying really hard to stay up to be the one to see him in.

He felt like he was in the set of a movie. In the dark, the mansion looked haunting and Rei told him to follow her upstairs with only a candle to light the way. Again, he felt out of place. A dirty poor stranger intruding into the lives of the rich and famous, but before his intrusive thoughts could make him sick he noticed they had stopped walking. “My room is at the end of the hall over there, let me know if you need anything. This is my brother’s room, I’m glad it’s such a clear night for the both of you” She said and walked towards the end of the hall. Shinji was glad she didn’t see how pink that statement had made him. Waiting until the light from her candle had completely vanished, he lit up a cigarette and inhaled as quickly as he could. His nerves teetering. He put it out with the bottom of his boot and knocked on the door.

  
“Hello Shinji” It was Kaworu who now smiled at him. He too was wearing silk. He wore a long sleeve powder blue top that loosely hung on his frame and exposed his collarbones with silk pants to match. Shinji gulped. “I didn’t bring any pajamas” he blurted out. Kaworu laughed, a sound Shinji made sure to remember. “Don’t worry I have plenty” In Kaworu’s room he felt the most at home. There was no flashy décor, no gold, no marble, just bookshelves and a wooden desk. Kaworu’s bed seemed the most out of place, it was a large canopy bed with a thin fabric surrounding it. When they walked out into the balcony, Kaworu spoke. “It’s a beautiful night… Father bought me a book on constellations, I thought we could…” He trailed off, noticing that Shinji seemed to not be listening. He was leaning against the glass door, his eyes closed and a serene expression on his face. Kaworu smiled, he liked that about him. Beneath his anxiety there was a boy who liked to stargaze, who cared for the people close to him no matter how much he kept his guard up, he could see it from the moment he met him. Before he knew it, Kaworu had moved closer and Shinji’s eyes opened in time to see Kaworu lean in for a kiss. It had been a week since their last and he had been thinking about it constantly. Embarrassed, Shinji felt all his blood rushing down and his pants starting to tighten. He slightly opened his lips to say something but Kaworu slipped his tongue in before he could. Shinji yelped and Kaworu stopped instantly. “Oh Shinji.. I’m sorry, I just thought… Please don’t be upset with me… Oh god I knew it was too much..” Kaworu was apologizing so fast that Shinji couldn’t even process it. Finally he grabbed Kaworu’s hands and said “No! Kaworu… you just.. startled me a bit…but, I liked it…. I _really_ …” His eyes cowardly trailing to the bulge growing in his pants. Kaworu made a sound of desperation, “Shinji, may I?” He moved his hands toward it, afraid to touch without permission. Shinji nodded. Kaworu leaned in close again and whispered, “Close your eyes”

Eyes shut tight, Shinji could hear Kaworu undoing his own jeans. Feel the release of pressure, hear the small groan Kaworu made. Then he felt nothing, afraid that Kaworu had gone he heard some rustling and suddenly felt a hot breath on his thigh. His dick perked up, it was almost painful. Kaworu planted kisses on his thighs, his heart pounding harder as he got closer and closer. Then, Kaworu started making sounds. Small moans at first as he licked his shaft that grew as he got closer to the head. Shinji couldn’t take it anymore, he felt like he was going to explode. Stupidly he opened his eyes and yelped again. Kaworu had taken his own dick out, and was stroking it as he went down on him. The image of it was so lewd that Shinji couldn’t hold it in anymore. Sticky liquid shot out violently out of him and landed on Kaworu’s delicate face. “Shinji!” Kaworu gasped for breath as his own cum streaked his stomach. Out of breath with beads of sweat forming on his chest, Kaworu looked so beautiful to him. Shinji took his hand and pulled him closer, licking the cum off his face. Kaworu was bright red “ _Shinji_! You’re so lewd..” _You’re one to talk_ , he thought. Overcome with desire and his heartbeat pounding throughout him, he grabbed Kaworu’s dick and pressed it on his own. He didn’t know what he was doing, he only knew that he needed to be closer to him. He wanted to feel good with him. Kaworu then took the lead, rubbing his hands up and down both of their shafts at the same time. Kaworu buried his head in Shinji’s neck, moaning as the heat started to grow between them again. Shinji’s nails dug into Kaworu’s back and as they held each other they whispered each others names over and over until finally orgasming together.

As the high wore off, Shinji realized they were still on the balcony. Kaworu sneezed. Shinji, not being able to feel his legs, started to laugh. He felt so carefree, a feeling that he was unfamiliar with. Kaworu got up, completely naked, and carried Shinji inside. "You're amazing" Shinji said quietly. "Only because I'm always thinking about you" Kaworu said. They both blushed. Kaworu pulled back the thin veil and placed Shinji in bed. Exhausted, they laid down. Feeling each others bodies under the sheets, examining what they were too shy to look at. Together, they drifted off into sleep.


End file.
